Thursday, January 1, 2009

Lettter Shufflers

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
Shuffled to:
FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL



DILIP VENGSARKAR
Shuffled to:
SPARKLING DRIVE



BARA THEDA
Shuffled to:
ARAB DEATH


PRINCESS DIANA
Shuffled to:
END IS A CAR SPIN




MONICA LEWINSKY
Shuffled to:
NICE SILKY WOMAN


DORMITORY:
Shuffled to:
DIRTY ROO M


PRESBYTERIAN:
Shuffled to:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
Shuffled to:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
Shuffled to:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
Shuffled to:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
Shuffled to:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
Shuffled to:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES:
Shuffled to:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
Shuffled to:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
Shuffled to:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:
Shuffled to:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
Shuffled to:
IM A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
Shuffled to:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
Shuffled to:
TWELVE PLUS ONE



MOTHER-IN-LAW:
Shuffled to:
WOMAN HITLER

Watch Out For Your Ass!!!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

......................................................................

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Shirtless Obama......






Note that Obama is not the first President to be photographed without a shirt on. Others were Ford, Clinton, and Reagan. Obama thought seems to be in the best shape of the 3, but also is the youngest at the time.

Pakistan...a failed Nation



Of all the major countries of the world it is only Pakistan that appears to be faced with insurmountable problems. Although put together as the predominately Muslim regions of British India it did not have ethnic-cultural coherence in addition to religious coherence. The northern and northwestern portion of Pakistan is Pushtun and closer ethnically to southern Afghanistan than to the west Punjab region or the Sindh region. There have been major mistakes in policy starting from the very beginning with the formation of the country with two wings separated by 1600 miles of Indian territory and incompatible linguistic and cultural differences. The blighted policy choices continued with an early adoption of socialism as the political economic goal for Pakistan. The history of Pakistan has seen re-occurrent military takeovers of the government, making Pakistan a highly unstable country.
Pakistan is unfortunately, not a country with an army; it is an army with a country.
On November 3, 2007 Pakistani dictator Pervez Musharraf declared a state emergency across Pakistan, imposed martial law, and suspended that nation's Constitution. In the capital of Islamabad, soldiers forcibly entered the Supreme Court, surrounded judges' homes, put opposition leaders under house arrest, and began rounding up thousands of peaceful political activists and politicians. On Monday, November 5th, thousands of lawyers took to the streets to protest the illegal imposition of martial law in their country. Musharraf's response was to have hundreds of these peaceful lawyers violently dragged through the streets and arrested. In the last two days alone, an estimated minimum of 3,500 people have been forcibly incarcerated as political prisoners.

For those Pakistan watchers who are familiar with the tragic history of this artificially created state, this latest crackdown on democracy and freedom by a governing Islamist elite that has imposed dictatorship on its citizens for most of its 60 years of existence, comes as no surprise.

Originally constituting the western provinces of India, Pakistan's artificial establishment came about on August 14, 1947 as an Islamic bulwark against what the British feared would be an eventually powerful and prosperous Hindu India that could in the future possibly rival its own colonial interests. Previous to 1947, there was never an historical political entity known as "Pakistan" (indeed, the very term "Pakistan" itself was coined from an acronym of Punjab, Afghania, Kashmir, Sindh, and Baluchistan). In the last 60 years, Pakistan has instigated three major wars and one minor war against its democratic neighbor of India. Pakistan is a country that has been riddled since its manufacture with a unsettling history of perennial dictatorships, martial law, political and religious repression, persecution of minorities, horrendous ethnic strife, state-sponsored terrorism, and an irreparably failed economy deceptively propped up by the infusion of multi-billions of U.S. tax- payers' dollars.

To the tremendous bewilderment of many, the Bush administration has insisted upon making Pakistan a key ally in the war on terror despite the fact that Pakistan has always been itself one of the most insidiously unremitting state sponsors of terrorism in the world. It was the infamous ISI secret intelligence agency of Pakistan that founded and supported the Taliban in its initial take over of Afghanistan and in its ruthless reign until its final overthrow at the hands of the U.S. military. Pakistan has harbored Osama bin Laden and his al-Qaeda minions in its northwestern frontier territory for the last five years, and refuses to allow U.S. military personnel into the area to capture him. Pakistan has waged a proxy terrorist war against the Hindu civilian population of Kashmir for decades, making hundreds of thousands of Kashmiri Hindus refugees in their own country and devastating a region of India that at one time was one of the most beautiful and peaceful places on earth. By the sheer weight of the sum total of its destructive terrorist actions over the years, Pakistan has brazenly shown the world that it not only deserves to be placed squarely within the so-called Axis of Evil formulated by President Bush in 2002 – but that it belongs in the prime spot of prominence in that notorious list!

By every measure of what constitutes a successful nation-state, Pakistan has shown the world since its inception that it is incapable of meeting even the minimal standards of surviving as a viable unified political-social entity.

Pakistan is an artificial political construct in which several diverse and historically rival ethnic groups were arbitrarily forced together into what was supposed to become an Islamic melting pot. Rather, Pakistan has been faced with calls for independence by many of these various ethnic groups, which has in turn led to decades of brutal oppression by the central authorities against ethnic activists. Like Yugoslavia in the 1990s, Pakistan is destined to be
rent asunder by these contrasting ethnic interests in the very near future. Pakistan's 165 million long-suffering people would be significantly better off if this natural process of political devolution were allowed to occur.

Rather than continuing to support the notion of an impossible to salvage central state, Pakistan should be allowed to naturally devolve into the several smaller states historically comprising the territorial demarcations of its multiple ethnic divisions. Rather than a failed Pakistani state, there should be four independent states of Balochistan, Afghania (the present "North-West Frontier Province" that constitutes the traditional home of the Pashtun
people), Punjab, and Sindh, with "Azad" Kashmir reverting back to India.

Nothing less than the naturally occuring disintegration of the present-day Pakistan will ensure the political stability of the region, the assurance of the human and civil rights of the people of Pakistan, and the irradication of the world's most unstable and dangerous terrorist state. The latest crippling blow to democracy in a long history of such blows must be enough to starkly persuade us that it is time to move on from the failed "Pakistan" experiment.
An interesting change in the Failed States Index (published by The Fund for Peace) is #9 Pakistan. Pakistan was at #13 in 2007, from a quick analysis of the index it is clear that a huge economic downturn is the main reason for Pakistan’s move to a premier position amongst the Top 10 failed states. There are no surprises in the top 10 for 2008 as they are the usual suspects…as a matter of fact the top 10 have remained pretty much the same since 2006…Haiti left the Top 10 in 2007 and Guinea got pushed out simply because of Pakistan’s horrible year.
Here’s the Top 10 (No surprises here!):
1. Somalia
2. Sudan
3. Zimbabwe
4. Chad
5. Iraq
6. D.R. Congo
7. Afghanistan
8. Cote d’Ivoire
9. Pakistan
10. Central African Republic

By the way…give it up for Scandinavia because Sweden, Finland, and Norway are the bottom three nations on the index, making them the ‘least failing’ nations in the world.
These are the twelve indicators The Fund for Peace uses to rank nations into the Failed States Index:
Social Indicators
• I-1. Mounting Demographic Pressures
• I-2. Massive Movement of Refugees or Internally Displaced Persons creating Complex Humanitarian Emergencies
• I-3. Legacy of Vengeance-Seeking Group Grievance or Group Paranoia
• I-4. Chronic and Sustained Human Flight
Economic Indicators
• I-5. Uneven Economic Development along Group Lines
• I-6. Sharp and/or Severe Economic Decline
Political Indicators
• I-7. Criminalization and/or Delegitimization of the State
• I-8. Progressive Deterioration of Public Services
• I-9. Suspension or Arbitrary Application of the Rule of Law and Widespread
Violation of Human Rights
• I-10. Security Apparatus Operates as a “State Within a State”
• I-11. Rise of Factionalized Elites
• I-12. Intervention of Other States or External Political Actors

Friday, December 12, 2008

Beautiful Eyes





Monday, December 1, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Technology

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Son

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace.’”

The third Catholic crone says “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence.’”

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle “Well…?” Finally she replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6′ 2, hard-bodied stripper, when he walks into a room women say, ‘Oh my God’.”

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Prayers

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say “Hi we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!”

Saturday, October 4, 2008

UNOPENED CD's

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... A cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.


So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores.


He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.


She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.


He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.


"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.


He nodded and she went to the back.


She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.


So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...

------------------


!!!RRRRRING!!!


The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"


It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."


The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.


Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.


Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.


It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD...


Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn


Love is... When you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You . . . "

------------------

Moral of The Story:

If you Really Love Someone please Expressed your feeling and let them know how much you Love them,That person might also love you in the same way as you love them Before it is too late................

World Clock