Beautiful Eyes

PICTURES OF TERRORIST ATTACK ON MUMBAI.

Technology

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Son

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace.’”

The third Catholic crone says “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence.’”

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle “Well…?” Finally she replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6′ 2, hard-bodied stripper, when he walks into a room women say, ‘Oh my God’.”

Prayers

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say “Hi we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!”

UNOPENED CD's

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... A cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.


So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores.


He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.


She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.


He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.


"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.


He nodded and she went to the back.


She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.


So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...

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!!!RRRRRING!!!


The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"


It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."


The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.


Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.


Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.


It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD...


Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn


Love is... When you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You . . . "

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Moral of The Story:

If you Really Love Someone please Expressed your feeling and let them know how much you Love them,That person might also love you in the same way as you love them Before it is too late................

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 : )

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Dear Tech Support Team:


Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.


I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.


In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.


Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.


I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.


Please help!


Thanks,
"A Troubled User"



REPLY:



Dear Troubled User:


This is a very common problem that people complain about.


Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.


Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!


It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.


It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.


You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .


I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.


I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.


The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.


Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .


Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0


STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

Black & White !

In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely.When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day.


I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right.



The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered.


I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.


The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, "White." It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black.



My teacher taught me a very important lesson learned that day: You must stand in the other person's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective .


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Fallen Star-----------Ishmeet Singh

Nineteen is a young age to attain celebrity status and definitely too young to die. But that reality of life came home to millions mourning the sudden death of reality singing contest “Voice of India” winner Ishmeet Singh. With so many reality shows on television, stars are made and unmade almost everyday. But Ishmeet was different. This singer from a modest background from Punjab’s industrial city of Ludhiana touched the hearts and minds of millions of music lovers not just by winning the “Voice of India” contest last November but living up to his image of a “gentle Sardar” till last Tuesday.

It took just one moment of excitement at the deep end of a swimming pool in faraway Maldives to drown not just the high hopes that Ishmeet had for himself but also of the music fraternity in Bollywood and millions of his admirers who wanted him to make it big as a crooner.

“We went to the pool at the Maldives resort together. He kept egging us to come into deeper water even though none of us knew swimming. He even mocked his drowning once and laughed it off. The second time, which we realized later that he was actually drowning, we didn’t take it seriously. We shouted for help but it was too late,” fellow performers Viyom and Arunima, who went with Ishmeet for the Maldives event, told Star News channel Thursday.

“This place (Maldives) is so beautiful. Mujhe toh koi yahan naukri dey de, main toh yahan hi reh jaunga (If someone gives me a job here, I will live here only),” Ishmeet told his companions Tuesday as they arrived in the Indian Ocean island country, just a couple of hours before he drowned.

The drum beats, ‘bhangra’ steps and bursting of crackers November last year in Ludhiana and all over Punjab were drowned when tens of thousands turned up once again for the singer - this time to say a final goodbye. His popularity could be seen from the stampede-like situation at the cremation ground and also the fact that a few TV news channels telecast his funeral live.

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh had called up his shattered family here to condole his death. Punjab Chief Minister Parkash Singh Badal not only got a special plane to bring his body from New Delhi but came to pay his last respects too.
Music world and television biggies - singers Abhijeet, Mika, Hans Raj Hans, Harbhajan Mann and Shreya Goshal and reality show producer Gajendra Singh - lined up like commoners at his cremation.

“It is hard to believe that the “Voice of India”, Ishmeet Singh, is no more. Like a shooting star, he’s come and gone … in a blink of the eye!” wrote columnist Jessi Kaur in Sikh diaspora website Sikhchic.com as she recounted her encounter with him at an international Sikh youth camp at Khandala near Pune.

“He promised that his first album would be of shabads, because he took his role as an icon for the Sikh youth seriously. Ishmeet, to me, was really special because his success had not gone to his head and, at heart, he remained the sweet, simple boy from Ludhiana with the love of Sikhi swelling in his heart.”

“He saw himself as blazing a trail for his young Sikh brothers and sisters who he hoped would follow their dreams, achieving great successes while proudly displaying the Khalsa form and spirit. He felt that he had been given a great responsibility: to inspire and to coax the best out of the Sikh youth,” she wrote.
Though the family of Ishmeet and singer Abhijeet want a probe into his death by drowning, doctors here, who conducted his postmortem examination, said that preliminary investigations revealed that he died of asphyxiation from drowning.

Ishmeet, who had left his college studies (he was a second-year student in a college here) last year much against the wishes of his family to enter the “Voice of India” contest and finally for a career in singing, was elevated to his celebrity status by the entertainment industry. Perhaps, it was the same industry that took his life away too!

ARE WOMEN DUMB OR CLEVER.....?

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
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. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
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. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant

. you
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. three wishes."
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. The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed

. to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
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. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
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.
.
. The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be
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. the most beautiful woman in the world.
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.
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. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
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. Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women

. will
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. flock to. "
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. The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
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. Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most

. beautiful woman in the world!
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. For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
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. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
.
. world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,

. "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
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. So, -she's the richest woman in the world!
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. The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
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. like a mild heart attack."
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. Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them..
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. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
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. here and continue feeling good.
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. . Male readers: Please scroll down.
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. The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
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. Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
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. smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
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. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
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. show that women never listen!